Ego.  Something healthy when small but substantial because it gives one self-confidence, but not healthy the minute it grows past a certain point because it will not stop inflating and will make one’s head grow to epic proportions. Fed by: Affirmation from other people.  Otherwise known as praise, admiration, showering of affection, even the invocation of envy in other people.

I recently started a new job as a Christmas casual, and  a few shifts into this new job, the founder of the entire company was apparently going to visit, and so I was rostered on to make the shop look amazing.  Someone significant at head office dropped by to help and make sure that everything followed protocol.

They loved me.

Having this company VIP look at you straight in the eye at the end of your shift and say that you were amazing?  That you picked things up so fast and got things done super efficiently?  That your customer service was awesome and they just don’t stop talking about just how great you were?

It felt so good.

Embarrassing, for sure.  I mean, how do you react?  How many thank you-s can you even say without sounding like a broken record?

Vomiting Kaonashi | Ginnunga, deviantART

But danggggggggggg.  I wanted to bask in more of their praise and know and hear that I am fabulous.  My ego has been fed, and it wants more.   Even if it means becoming insufferable and self-righteous and arrogant.  Once I get to that stage, I’m sure someone will cut me down and leave me vomiting up all my ego like Kaonashi and wriggling from humiliation.

But until then, feed my ego!  Say I’m great!  Say you love me!  Because #flawless.